Today i went to the store. Alone.
I finally got enough guts to go.. I did went at the end of the day, because i know town is mostly empty…
So i took the bus, i grabbed it on 16:24, i would be in town in 5 min. where i would go to the bank, get cash, walk to the store, in, out, back, and the bus home at 16.41.
There i went, Got in the bus, it was pretty calm so it was ok.. and how closer i came to town my heart already started bonking, warm, nercous feeling…
When i came to the atm, he denied my pas, it said i had to use my own banks atm, which is all the way to the other side of town… like, really, all the way.

I looked around me, while pingchatting with support, and started walking, i grabbed not the mainstreet, but the street next to it, so i could get to the other side as quick as i could… hopefully wouldnt see a lot of people…
I was ok, i was there, now only going back…
I walked as quick as i could, my heart was racing, i was sweathin like a constructionworking with 40 degrees heat on his head, hard breathing, and even when it isnt thát far, it seemed like ages for getting at the store that i wanted to be.
Without looking i walked in, tried to keep breathin, got what i needed, and walked out. Where i realised there were 20 persons there, in this little building, where i was too.

When i waited on the 16:58 bus back home, i tried to keep calm… i tried to not cry, or break, and then there was the bus… and while i got in, paid my ticket, i noticed it was a full bus.. ofcourse, because its 5 pm… i should have known…
I already paid so getting out wouldnt do good, plus the next one might be even fuller.. so i went sitting on a chair, as close as i could to the door… and in just a few minutes i could get out right in front of my house.

When i got up, i dropped on the couch, laid down, cried for 15 min.. and tried to not hyperventilate, or die. (yes, i know, i won’t)

I’m ok now… I feel drained.. my back and shoulders hurt… it was awefull.. I wont do it again anytime soon.. but i should think i could give myself a 2.3 now, can’t i.








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